She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize