you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
