You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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