u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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