What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
