He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
