When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
