There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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