She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize