Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
high people should be assigned attendants
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
