Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
