K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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