I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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