Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize