You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
