Already got asked if we're dating
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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