We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
