i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
