Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
