no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize