The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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