we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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