I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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