So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
