I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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