I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
