did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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