I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
high people should be assigned attendants
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
