I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
