Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
