The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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