Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
