How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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