So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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