We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
