4 words: hood of his car
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
