Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
