Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
