I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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