Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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