Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
be right there i have to get my cape
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
