i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize