My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
