another moral hangover. fuck.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
