im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
