fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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