im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize