i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
