I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
