Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize