I'm so fucking centered right now
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
