i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
