Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
