I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
