Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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