He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
