she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
honey bunches of taint.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love having hate sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
