Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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