the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
