just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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