When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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