Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He shit in the fireplace
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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