We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
