How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
