i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
