I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
