Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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