He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
