I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
