Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
