hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
