My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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