I wish I could teleport
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
