wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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