so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
