We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
