if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
His nipple licking is glorious
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