I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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