Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
