I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
