Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
