I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize