HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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