Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
