my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
