Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
