Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
