I wish my penis had an off switch
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
