Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
