Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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