I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
