My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
