True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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