My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
